I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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