yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
