i think my tv is drunk
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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