i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
