We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
