What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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