I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
