a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
