well I can't set my house on fire every night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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