I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
