why didn't you poke me back
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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