My first STD was from a foam party
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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