you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
