Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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