Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
