We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
