Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
