Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
