i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
