you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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