She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
