we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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