Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
