Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
