his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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