it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
