so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
