Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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