come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
