i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
