He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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