went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize