There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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