im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
