As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
