some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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