paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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