hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
