i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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