you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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