I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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