Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
