I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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