This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
