1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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