My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
