if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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