When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would punch a child for taco bell
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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