It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
