Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize