oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
