Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
