Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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