your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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