I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
