someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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