I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
