I love black thongs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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