Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
