plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
