bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
