i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
