Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
