I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
