so that wasnt chicken after all
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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