you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
