Well douche your snatch and let's go!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
