Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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