I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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