You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
smell my finger.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize