There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
